The Image Battle

The night before I created this makeup, I was having a severe anxiety attack that was triggered by body image. I want to come out and openly speak about my battle with myself to perhaps help out someone else that might be going through similar situations. While my heart was racing and feeling like it was trying to escape my chest, this image started forming in my mind. 

It started out with the cracks of self torture, the release of emotions in the blood pumping through our veins. It continued with the constant punches to ourselves because we are unhappy with what we see and we compare ourselves to others; wishing and hoping that we could change certain things of our physical appearance (hence the surgical lines and bruises.)  And lastly, the tears of conflict and resignation that cascade down our eyes as we try to restrain and put away our fears.

We hear these things way too often: "You're too fat" "You're too skinny" "You're not curvy" "You have too many curves" "You are too short" "You are too tall" "You should eat less" "You should eat more" "You wear too much makeup" "You should wear makeup to look pretty" "You are not beautiful" "You are average" "You are a slut" "You are not worth it unless..." "You will never be loved" "You need a thigh gap to be pretty" "You are crazy" "You are stupid" 

What others fail to realize is that, those words that we are usually told on a daily basis are just a thin layer to the battle with body image that way too many of us go through. What hurts the most are not the words that others say, but what we say to ourselves. The roots that we plant withing ourselves are the ones that create the toughest conflict with the reflection in our mirror.

"I will never be that skinny" "I will never be that curvy" "I will never look like her/him" "I will never be loved" "I'm too old" "what is the point in living?" "Maybe if I throw up..." "Maybe if I don't eat" "Maybe just one more cut" "Maybe just one more drink" 

 I can not tell you a cure to this battle, because I am still going through some of these things myself. What I can tell you is that you need to find what you are passionate about, close your eyes, and just follow your heart. The mind makes us think too much about what can go wrong, and for someone with anxiety and or depression, that can be a block to follow our dreams. If you fear following your dreams, most of the time it means you should follow it. Failure is scary, but the joy that comes with doing what we love conquers the battle between fear and passion. 

 

 Next time you are having an anxiety attack, release the energy through art, music, nature, cooking, or whatever else you truly enjoy. We only have this one life, this one body, and this one earth. Let us make the best of it and live our lives to our full potential. Let go of the fear, and the self hate, and surround yourself with love, acceptance, and passion. You are beautiful in your own way and you should never forget that. Take flight my little swans <3 

I love you to the moon and back.